Hi everyone! Welcome to another episode of the Spiritual Alien Podcast.
So, before I get started, Happy Podversary to me! It is the 11th of January and a night like tonight 2 years ago was when I finally decided to launch the podcast and take the risk of doing something new. In September of 2017 I was entertaining the idea of launching a podcast, since I was having issues with expanding my YouTube channel. My mother was the one who suggested the name for this podcast, I whipped out a couple of graphics, wrote two episodes I believe or three, and submitted it. And thus, here I am with you 2 years later. Thank you for being here with me and for listening to the podcast.
So, tonight I want to share with you 5 ways to grow your confidence in 2020. This episode is a small taste of one out of three upcoming podcast series’ that I’ll be releasing at some point during Spring or Summer, depending on how many interviews I do after this episode and depending on how I align the content. So I hope you like it and as always, I hope you find it helpful. Without further ado, let’s get started.
We all feel a bit insecure, or VERY insecure sometimes, or…most of the time, so how do we deal with this? How do we become more confident? While I am no confidence coach, I want to share with you 5 ways to grow your confidence and by all means don’t knock them until you try them. They may seem silly, but once you start to put in the work, you will realize it’s more challenging than you thought. That’s when you will begin to unwrap yourself to yourself and see where you need to work on so that you can improve your life.
One, visualize yourself as you want to be.
I am sure you probably admire someone on TV or social media, maybe elsewhere or even a family member. What makes you admire them? What is it that attracts you to them? These are the qualities that you wish to embody. Well, how can you embody these qualities? If it’s someone close to you, you can even ask them how they came to be who they are today and see what they answer! You can then write it down later on for future reference.
Two, make fun of your inner critic.
We all have that unhappy bitch in our subconscious who’s always bitching about anything, everything and everyone, including ourselves. Especially ourselves. “Oh you look dumb. You can’t do anything right. You’ll never find a man or woman. Stop pursuing that dream and get real.” and so on. Become aware of this thought pattern and stop it by making fun of it. This is a good way to evict that dumbass who’s living rent-free in your head.
Three, positive affirmations.
I have an alarm on my phone that reminds me every day to read a long list of affirmations that I wrote of all the positive characteristics I see in myself and positive qualities that I wish to embody. The positive qualities that I wish to embody came from observing my negative thought patterns and switching them. For example: “I hate myself.” to “I am learning to love myself.” and another one, “I can’t do anything right.” to “I am constantly learning, it’s ok to not know everything.” or how about this one, “I want to kill myself.” to “I am shedding my old self and stepping into a new version of myself.”
Pretty powerful stuff huh? I invite you to give it a shot.
Four, watch your circle.
Sometimes we are sleeping with the enemy. Or living with the enemy. Or hanging out with the enemy. Or working with the enemy. I am sure you get my point. Watch the speech and thought patterns of those around you, because believe it or not they have great influence over you and can shape your way of thinking, behaving and acting. This is how a pattern becomes a programmed pattern, due to external influence. Make sure it’s in a positive and uplifting way.
Five, take a risk.
Feel the fear and do it anyway. This is a quote I heard back in 2011 or 2012 from someone that I used to admire who unfortunately gave up her inspirational career to focus on her private life. Life is too short to procrastinate and not do something simply because you feel scared, or insecure, because you feel you’re too young or too old, or you think you are not too knowledgeable on the subject. The truth is, that’s all bullshit. There is no better time to start than now, so give yourself permission to go for it. And if it doesn’t turn out how you wanted it to, who cares, at least you did it and are now one step ahead from those who are still doubting and not doing anything to change their life.
Six, bonus tip. Mirror work.
If you are familiar with my first book, “Connecting The Stars,” you probably know who Drake is. If you don’t have it, I won’t spoil it for you so I won’t tell you. Last year, I was struggling with my mental health, I was in a really dark place, to the point that I was ready to give up on my life. Depression and suicidal tendencies are two things I have struggled with since 2017, so usually once a year I have a relapse, so last year was no different. Drake showed up one time during my meditation session and he suggested me something that I had no idea would take such a dark turn, but that was the point of it.
He suggested me to find a picture of myself where I am evidently happy and to make a list underneath it. I thought “Huh, what’s it gonna be? Positive affirmation stuff?” to which he responded “Not quite.” which made me very curious. He added, “I want you to write down all of the hateful things you say to yourself under that picture.” I was puzzled but I considered it.
“Alright.” I agreed. Of course it was easy to write down that I hate myself, that I am unworthy, that I am a dumb fuck, that I never do anything right, that I am a piece of shit, that I should have never been brought to this world, that I don’t deserve to live, and so on. Once I was done, I waited for a nudge.
“Now, say them back to that picture of yours.” I gulped as I stared at myself. His next step made my heart drop to my feet. Granted, it was a picture and not myself in a mirror, so you can do it however you want, however this is how it was given to me specifically. I tried, but I couldn’t. I just couldn’t do it.
Suddenly, all those thoughts I had about myself felt so fucking stupid and irrelevant that my mind started to shift and I felt bad about myself. That’s when he made me aware of two options.
“You can either continue to be self-destructive, or become aware of it and destroy this pattern by shifting your mindset.” And of course, I chose the latter.
It’s not easy to confront yourself and to be made aware of programmed patterns that you have against yourself. This is due to a variety of factors, such as society, religion, friends, relationships and family. In my case, my self-hatred is due to my mother’s self-hatred, and the insults towards myself are due to insults I’ve received from her. I don’t lash out at her when she’s emotionally abusive with me, but I internalize her words, which goes back to my childhood. This also includes my suicidal tendencies, which are because of her own, which goes back to my teenage years. So I am trying to deprogram from all of this without professional treatment although I insist they could help me but I don’t know.
Do you see how Drake’s simple suggestion turned into a whole shitshow of things I did not want to look at or admit to myself? This has allowed me to be more kind and compassionate towards myself, so whenever I feel self-hatred, instead of internalizing it further, I now observe it and track where it’s coming from, what provoked it or who provoked it.
I will give you an example which is random as fuck and has nothing to do with the rest of this episode, but I feel it fits very well with tracking where your insecurities, doubts, maybe even self-hatred and where it all comes from. On New Year’s Eve, I was wearing a dress without a bra, everyone and their grandma knows that I have very small boobs, but I did not give a damn, I felt confident, I felt good, I was vibing with that dress — and if you know me, you know I hate wearing dresses — but I felt like I could conquer the galaxy and beyond with that damn dress. But when my mother saw me, the first thing she said was that she didn’t like how my boobs looked so small in it, since it was a tight dress. Well no fucking shit, I have small boobs, the fuck am I supposed to do? I kept insisting that I felt good and that it wasn’t a big deal for me, but she just kept at it. “Your boobs are so small that it doesn’t look good on you. You don’t look good, you look like a 12 year old. You need to wear a bra and don’t take pictures from the front because your nipples can be seen.” I wasn’t going to show my nipples through the dress anyways because I am not that much of a showoff, at least for now.
I felt so damn bad about myself that night. I went back to my bedroom to retake the pictures, but instead, I stared at my camera. I was like, “You know what? I’m not gonna bother. I’ll just share a shot from the back and flash my ass at everyone.” which I did the next day. But that night, my confidence went to shit for a moment. I observed the situation and realized that it was because of her. So I took a deep breath and snapped out of it. This is what Drake meant with shifting the mindset. Now, this doesn’t mean that I don’t love her or that we don’t get along, but that her own mindset is interfering with mine and changing it for the worst. When you are aware that your close loved ones have their own struggles, you will also be more kind and compassionate towards them as well.
In a nutshell, I guess what I wanted to say for this last tip is to be observant of your insecurities and doubts, as they may not be yours, but rather, programmed patterns that do not belong in your system.
Seven, bonus and final tip. Stop giving a shit.
I know this is easier said than done, however, I want you to sleep on this because I will get into more detail in one of the three upcoming series about this, but a little hint for the sake of this episode is to stop giving a shit about what other people think and say of you, because not everyone wants to see you do better, especially when you’re doing better than them. When you stop caring, you will see how much freer and more confident you will feel about yourself. At the end of the day, their opinions won’t make you rich, so why bother. Also, there’s a difference between constructive and destructive criticism, so learn to be discerning so that you don’t put your foot in your mouth when someone is giving you a helpful suggestion.
And there you have it, my 5 ways — or rather, my 7 ways of growing your confidence in 2020, let this be the year where you stop toxic patterns and reprogram your mind so that you can step into the magnificent person that you are! Have any suggestions for future episodes? Let me know, send me an email to firstname.lastname@example.org with the subject “Podcast Suggestions.”
So, that concludes the purpose of this episode, I wanted to thank you so much for joining me in The Spiritual Alien podcast, make sure you follow me on Facebook @ TheSpiritualAlien and on Instagram @ zionzeta.
Take care and I’ll speak to you soon!
This is Zion Zeta, always at your service!