Hi everyone! Welcome to another episode of the Spiritual Alien Podcast.
So, tonight I want to expand on and elaborate more on last week’s topics regarding self-care and guilt. Interviews are still on pause and will resume in mid March.
I have received questions regarding one thing in common. How do you overcome guilt? To paraphrase the emails I’ve been getting, they consist of variations of the same topic; guilt. How do you deal with guilt? How do you handle feelings of guilt? How do you overcome guilt? What I find ironic and concerning is that this type of guilt comes from simply wanting to take more care of yourself. I have been there myself so I speak from personal experience.
So, tonight I want to share with you 5 questions to overcome guilt as you jump on the road to your journey of learning how to take care of yourself. Next week, I’ll share with you how to get started with a self-care routine. Without further ado, let’s get started.
What is guilt? Guilt is the feeling of deserving blame over something you did on purpose, by accident, or for something you didn’t do. For example, feeling guilty for accidentally stepping on your pet’s paw, feeling guilty for intentionally breaking a connection with someone that was toxic for you, or feeling guilty for forgetting to wash the dishes because you are depressed.
Guilt comes in many ways, shapes and forms, and you can feel guilt even for the smallest of things, like having ice cream when you are on a diet because you want to lose weight. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying ice cream, so long as this does not become the only thing you eat every day, this is when it becomes unhealthy.
But there is a type of guilt that not many of us talk about and explore, which is feeling guilt when you decide to shift your focus on yourself in order to tend to your needs and take care of you. This happens when you are constantly overgiving to others and forget about yourself, can you relate? If so, perhaps the following steps can help you identify where your guilt is coming from and how to overcome it. Tonight, I want you to once again whip out your phone or notepad with pen or pencil and take some notes with me.
You can feel free to pause this episode and write the questions down. If you can and are able to, you can also feel free to answer them right on the spot, as I won’t go anywhere.
One. The origin.
Everything that exists has an origin, so does your guilt. I want you to think back and track down the first time that you felt this guilty feeling. How did the guilt originate in the first place? Pause me and write it down.
Two. The cause.
There is a consequence to every action, so every cause has an effect. I want you to think about the event or action that caused this guilty feeling. What caused the new feeling of guilt to grow in you? Pause me and write it down.
Three. The exploration.
There is always a reason behind everything, even what you consider to be the most insignificant thing. I want you to think about the why of this guilty feeling. Why is the guilt there, why is it present, why does this guilt exist? Pause me and write it down.
Four. The dissolving.
This is probably going to be difficult depending on the guilt and the cause behind the guilt. For example, a victim of abuse may blame themselves for the abuse they received, so coming to the realization that they are not to blame can be both frightening and liberating. I want you to think about how to dissolve this guilty feeling, but there are two questions. How can this guilt be dissolved? What steps can be taken to dissolve this guilt? Pause me and write them down.
Five. The release.
This is also probably going to be difficult depending on the case, the guilt and the cause behind the guilt. So there are no questions for this one, but rather, some little golden nuggets that I want you to ponder on.
When it comes to releasing guilt, you have to understand that your situation does not define you, only you can do that. You cannot let an external power, situation or even person to take control of your emotions and mental state. You are the owner of your life. After all, you’re the one living it, right?
These are all journaling prompts that will not solve all your problems, but will help you get clear on one so that, if you do take the action, you can overcome it.
There are hundreds if not thousands of ways to define guilt because everyone is different, and because I am only human when I am awake, I cannot accommodate all of them in this episode, but I want you to know that you deserve better. You do not need to sabotage your mental, emotional, physical health with tormenting thoughts. You are your own safe space, do not abuse yourself.
For the sake of this episode and the next final one before resuming with the interviews, I want to focus on one specific guilt that I mentioned in the previous episode, which is the guilt that comes up when you begin to set boundaries to keep yourself safe, sane and healthy, because you are wanting to take care of yourself.
Why do we feel guilt when we set limits, boundaries and put rules for other people to follow? Why do we feel guilty when we want to take care of ourselves? When we want to take the day off, when we want to simply rest, when we don’t want to socialize? Because we are used to overgiving, overdoing, stretching ourselves thin, wearing ourselves out in the process and not replenishing ourselves after all the energy we spent on someone else or a group of people.
In a society where hustling is trendy and making others happy when you are dying on the inside has become the norm, having the desire to rest or retreat from the world is seen as if you had three heads. I’ll give you an example.
Last year I was sick as fuck around Fall, right? But I had to push through some group projects I had in Uni, this was before dropping out. I had to finish them no matter what, I was burning out. Once I finished them and dropped out, I had other projects on the side that I had to continue, but since I was completely drained and burnt out, my body became physically ill and I also got my moon time, forcing me to stop everything altogether and rest. Someone hit me up because they wanted to video chat as it had been a while, I declined explaining why — which I didn’t have to — but then I got a lot of angry messages and assumptions. Simply because I wanted some personal space and rest.
I could not believe I was being attacked for wanting to rest and retreat from the world for a while. I could have felt guilty about wanting to have personal space and about wanting to rest out of necessity rather than of pleasure, but no. Fuck that shit. I had reached a level so high of not giving a fuck that I made it known to him. I isolated myself even more and rested. Eventually I recovered after a week or so and when I was about to message him to see when he wanted to chat, he was already in my mother’s inbox complaining about me starting an argument with him when I never fucking did.
As a side note, my mother does not speak English, and a similar situation happened before, years ago but with a woman. She befriended all of my friends including my mother, to track down my online activity, with whom I interacted with and when, to then bitch me out as to why I couldn’t or why I wasn’t responding to her messages. This is why, despite being bisexual, this is why I am still single at almost 27 as my birthday is this upcoming Thursday.
This is why I said in the previous episode that you better listen to your body. When your body is telling you to stop, you better fucking stop. So this is my story as to why I said that. Interesting things happen when you listen to yourself and block out other people. If they get mad they can stay MAD. Those are not YOUR people.
You don’t know how important boundaries are until you put them in place and suddenly the whole fucking world is pissed off at you. Stop giving a shit of what they think of you, my love.
I will show you how to stop caring about what other people think of you at some point in April, as the interviews will end in late March and then it will be only you and me. I have a bunch of content lined up and planned out for you that I am sure you will enjoy. In the meantime, the next episode to finalize this intermission will be about setting up your own self-care routine.
So, that concludes the purpose of this episode, I wanted to thank you so much for joining me in The Spiritual Alien podcast, make sure you follow me on Facebook @ TheSpiritualAlien and on Instagram @ zionzeta.
Take care and I’ll speak to you soon!
This is Zion Zeta, always at your service!